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For Queen and Cocountry
For Queen and Cocountry is the twelfth episode of the second season of Crash Bandicoot: N-Ventures!. This episode focuses more on Coco's love life than anyone would've liked, as she falls head-over-heels for Cortex when he says she can be his Queen in the majestic fifteenth century. During production, it was known as An N-Decent Proposal. Plot Summary One day, Coco is working hard to clean Crash's house. She's vacuuming, and dusting, and ironing, and stuff. She is exhausted, and sweaty. While she is doing all of this, Crash is watching Murphy the Brown Bear. Crashie is very content, but Coco is not. Suddenly, there comes a knock at the door. Coco tells Crash to answer it for her, but he refuses, whining that this is the best and preachiest part of the episode! We quickly cut away to a scene from Murphy the Brown Bear, wherein we see Murphy the Brown Bear, voiced by Tara Charendoff, growling and roaring and generally ranting about the terrible Vice President, Dan the Quail. Coco finally sighs and gives in. She opens the door. It's Dr. Neo Cortex! He explains to Coco that he's immensely sorry for all the trouble he's caused the bandicoots over the years. He goes on to say that he'd like to make it up to her by wedding her, in marriage. She refuses. He clarifies that this would be 600 years ago, in the United Kingdom's much heralded Toad Village Island, which he is currently the king of - thus making her a queen. She accepts unquestioningly. That settles it. A week from now, in Medieval times, Princess Coco will be marrying King Cortles LXIV! She happily runs away, hand-in-hand with her fiancée. Crash just shrugs. He then notices that she left her laptop behind. He just grins a big happy grin. He's always wanted to use a computer! Later, in the past, King Cortles LXIV shows off his bride-to-be, Princess Coco, to his noble peasants: Sir Knightrus Briarmour, Big Wacky Ennie the Court Ginster, Lord Pinstripe Catapultoroo, Sir Nefarious Tropuchet, Sir Tiny Squire-ger, Princess Zeldingodile, Ripperaissance Roo, Rillaissance Roo, and most importantly of all, the wealthy and powerful Duke-a Uka. Cortex announces that they will be wedded in holy matrimony in Castle Cortles's beautiful Stainy Glass Chapel Hall, behind the mythical and mysterious Medieval-Style Chest That Cannot Be Opened Except Under Special Circumstances. It's been in the family for ages, and has a lot of history, and stuff. Coco feels happier than she ever has been before. She's also extremely flattered that Cortles sincerely, with all his heart, wants her to be his steady girlfriend. She blushes a little. She likes him, now that he's nobility. Unknown to her, Cortles slips off into the shadows for a second. He asks his sinister political advisors, Sir Lancelarry and his trusty Jousting Steed Bill, if the "preparations" are complete. Lancelarry confirms that they are. Bill just neighs. Meanwhile, Crash has just fired up Coco's laptop. It just blinks a cryptic letter at him. Crash tilts his head quizzically, as he has no idea what else to do. Aku Aku helpfully points out that it's the "command prompt", so Crash decides to type in his command: "Bring me a double Wumpburger, with extra dill Wumpickles"! The machine says it doesn't understand this command. Crash starts to weep, but then he has a brilliant plan. He grabs Aku Aku and jams him into the computer's floppy disk drive. This immediately causes it to start functioning normally, launching Mangosoft Watermelondows for him. He curses Coco for her abandonment of Wumpculture, but nonetheless is glad it's finally working. This will be fun. Meanwhile, Coco is panicking. The preparations for the wedding aren't coming along as she'd hope. There's not even a wedding band! Cortles explains that this is simply because none of his minions have any musical ability. Coco sighs, and asks Big Wacky Ennie if he can invent some sort of music machine or something. The Court Ginster is up for the task, fortunately! She is also annoyed that her wedding dress is not finished yet. Cortles assures her it's being worked on, as the camera pans over to Tropuchet knitting something, using a pair of crystal tuning forks as needles. Meanwhile, Crash is playing a thrilling round of Solitarot. Uh-oh! The Death Card of Spades is blocking the Tower of Hearts! Crashie lost! "Is this all that computers can do?", Crash asks. Aku Aku pops up to suggest that it might have other games on it. Crash angrily jams Aku Aku back into the floppy drive, and berates him for coming out. Aku apologises. Crash starts up a game of Swinesweeper. He loses on his very first click. This causes Coco's laptop to explode in a giant fireball! This, of course, causes Aku Aku to burst into flames again! Crash just shrugs, and goes back to watching Wumpavision. Ha ha, that wacky Murphy the Brown Bear is still whining about Vice President Dan the Quail! Meanwhile, it's the day of the big wedding. Cortles is finishing his preparations by adjusting his tuxedo, when Sir Tiny Squire-ger enters to wish him luck. Tiny says that he's lucky he found someone he loves so dearly. Tiny wishes he had that kind of passion in his life! Cortles just nods. Tiny asks if he can go on the honeymoon, too. Cortles says no. Then, unrelatedly, Tiny finally admits that he doesn't understand his persona. Just what IS a squire, anyway??? King Cortles realises that Tiny's inquisitiveness could probably ruin his Medi-evil scheme. Thinking on his feet, Cortles explains that it's a misspelling of "squirrel", because Tiny Squirrel-ger's mission is to search for Gems high in the treetops in Squirrelwood Forest, waaaay out on the other side of Toad Village Island. Watch out for the Sheriff of Gnawingham, warns Cortles! Tiny nods, and departs from Castle Cortles. King Cortles looks at the time on his Digi-eval watch, and dashes over to the Stainy Glass Chapel Hall. It's weddin' time! Big Wacky Ennie introduces his latest invention, the "Take This Tape and Play It, I Ain't Listenin' To Live Music No More, Cuz Cortles Wants This Wedding to Be Perfect for Coco, She's All He's Workin' For" Boombox-O-Box-Box-Box. He inserts a cassette featuring a recording of the Wedding March, and presses play. Nothing happens. The Court Ginster realises he forgot batteries. Sir Knightrus Briarmour drinks a potion, which transforms him into six batteries. Unfortunately, they are AAA. The Boombox-O-Box-Box-Box takes AA. Everyone starts to panic, but Princess Zeldingodile steps up, declaring that she can play an instrument. She pulls out her favourite keytar and plays a wicked Wedding March. Crisis averted! Princess Coco, in her beautiful yarn wedding dress, walks down the aisle, followed by adorable flower girl Rillaissance Roo. She joins King Cortles at the altar, where Priest Ripperaissance Roo does generic wedding spiel. He asks Coco and Cortles if they take each other, and stuff. They both say yes. Priesty the Roo says that, to make it official, they both must stick their hands inside the lock to the Medieval-Style Chest That Cannot Be Opened Except Under Special Circumstances. Suddenly, Crash and Pura warp in from the future. Crash declares that he's learned his lesson about others, and he's here to help Coco. Crash says that he looked it up on the Wumporld Wumpide Wumpeb: The Medieval-Style Chest That Cannot Be Opened Except Under Special Circumstances contains the famous Dog King Arfthur's legendary sword, Excollarbur. This sword is so powerful that if Cortles were to wield it, he could take over the entire omniverse, somehow! And the only thing that can unlock the Chest....is the hand of an innocent young bandicootess! Coco is shocked. Cortles said he went straight, but all this time, he was just using her. She gave him her heart, she cries, and this is how he repays her! Cortles reminds her that she also got a classy yarn dress out of the ordeal, but she doesn't care. Her heart is broken, forever. Cortles orders Bill and Larry to capture Coco, so Sir Lancelarry jumps onto Jousting Steed Bill's back and charges after her at breakneck speed! Crash and Coco hop on Pura, and attempt to make their escape. Pura's radar tail tells him that there's a time portal two miles away, on the banks of the mighty River Queenie. The race is on, to the accompaniment of a lame Medieval-themed parody of "Eye of the Tiger". Predictably, Crash, Coco, and Pura make it. They vanish into the time portal, leaving Sir Lancelarry and Jousting Steed Bill looking disappointed. Lancelarry illogically asks Bill, "Did we catch them?", seemingly only so Bill can "hilariously" respond, "Neigh!" They have no reason to stick around any longer, so Sir Nefarious Tropuchet uses his crystal tuning fork knitting needles to knit a time portal. King Cortles, and all the minions present, return to the present, where Uka Uka berates Cortex for failing yet again. Cortex just whines that women are complicated. Meanwhile, back in the past, Tiny Squirrel-ger returns to the now-deserted Castle Cortles with the legendary, and extremely powerful, Gnawingham Gnawing-Gem. He is obviously disappointed to see that everyone left him. Positive that they'll come back for him, he waits by the door. To pass the time, he muses that radical feminism is bad.